13. Everything Has a Place - making your kids feel at home

I can't be the only one who feels overwhelmed by STUFF. Clutter gives me anxiety. Even if I can't see it. I can't just throw things into the closet and shut the door. It nags at me. Anxious mama is a grumpy mama.

I was introduced to the idea of minimalism through a poorly drawn pithy cartoon on YouTube. It was shared around our friend group and quickly became a hot topic, and snow-balled into an entire lifestyle.

The Minimalists have a podcast too. I highly recommend checking it out.

Something to note is that MINIMALISM looks different for everyone. There is no perfect minimalist home. To my husband it means one of everything. To me it means letting go of things which have outlived their usefulness. I'm not a sentimental person, but if you are, they have an episode on that.

I think that minimalism brings peace and comfort at such a deep soulful level. It naturally pairs well with other Scandinavian lifestyle practices. Hygge (huy-geh), which roughly translates to the feeling of a warm hug, is a mood in Denmark and around the Northern hemisphere. With long dark winters the Danes rely on the feeling of hygge in their environment to give them a sense of warmth and 'home' everywhere they go. Think of it as the antidote to SAD (Seasonal Acute Depression). Lit candles on a stormy day or a big weighted blanket in front of a fire during a soft snowfall. Some may say it means "cozy" but it's more than that.

The way you feel about your environment can have a huge impact on the way you respond to people and things around you. In a minimalist home it's not about the absence of stuff it's about having the right amount of stuff. (Something greatly debated between my husband and myself.) I place a higher value on beauty and my husband seeks practicality.

Maria Montessori was a pioneer in bridging the gap between homey and useful. A Montessori learning center is built for the children to learn comfortably and feel at home in the classroom. There is a strong emphasis on order and organization. They are allowed free reign of the learning materials with the requisite of respect implied and enforced. Everything in the room has a home and they quickly learn to keep order. They are the masters of their environment.

When people are in a comfortable and predictable environment it makes them feel like they are in control. That sense of control is what kids need to build confidence. Self confidence leads to respect.

Our kids are pretty much allowed free reign at home. In fact it's encouraged for them to go about their day on their own agenda. I'm always available of course, but they're not living in my world or on my schedule. I manage a toy rotation, chore lists, and meals and they are expected to occupy their time and clean up after themselves; which is always a work in progress.

The kids have unlimited access to materials that they have proven responsible enough to use. The toys and materials are organized in a pleasing manner in small baskets or labeled bins so that they provide order and hygge.

The point is that when the kids are in control over their environment it makes it easier for them and me. The more times they find themselves incapable of a task, the closer it pushes them to the Stress Threshold, at which point they become volatile. If our goal is to have a peaceful home we have to limit the frustration and the stress.

Chasing your kids around to make sure they don't get into trouble is stressful. Saying "No," is stressful because rejection sucks. You have the power to create a "Yes," space in your home by remembering that it is their home too. Accessibility means not having to bother you for help, or asking for permission to be in their own home. The freedom to be at peace is life-changing.

Welcome to the beginning of minimalist parenting.

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