5. Take the Long Way - addressing burnout for healthy relationships

The foundation of a healthy relationship is security.

Security in each other, security in your environment, and in yourself.

Secure boundaries and support systems.

Without this you have fear. Or the more fervent, fear of failure. Fear can be crippling, and I know that I personally have felt like I'm failing motherhood a time or two. This is called BURNOUT.

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Follow me now, along a pathway through a bustling forest.

We come to the side of a cliff with a narrow bridge

draped precariously between its shoulders.

Upon its presence we observe the

capacity of its security.

We wouldn't dare walk across a rope bridge if,

when standing at its edge we could clearly see the rotted wood strung up

between the cords.

Unfortunately relationships don't always present themselves so clearly.

People are damaged and unpredictable.

You, I, and your family are people.

When it comes to the people we love (our self included) the bridge tends to be neglected in the fog that is loose boundaries. Or perhaps, the planks were once painted over to disguise our past damages. We inevitably will discover that damage once pressure is applied, and then fear sets in.

The worst thing you could do would be nothing. Because if you refuse to move forward and realize your own need for repair you will remain suspended in a space full of anxiety and disappointment. Your negligence will push your family away to find safety in relationships elsewhere.

Option two would be to admit failure, turn around, and presume that the damage is somebody else's responsibility. But it isn't. Relationships are the result of both parties' work and you only have control over one half. If you hope to find peace in your home you will have to continually build up and repair what is within your control.

You don't have to look far to find people willing and able to love you. Your children already adore you. They want to see you happy and stable so that they can learn from your example.

Give them a good example.

Respect yourself.

Know your limits.

Set firm boundaries.

Take the steps to rebuild your bridge.

Now be careful with this, because there are tons of relationship gurus out there who may cloud your purpose. They will provide the hammer and nails for a quick fix but neglect to mention the weather which relentlessly tests your work. And the tireless hours you will have to invest in the process.

Getting right with yourself can be intimidating.

Listen to your intuition and ground yourself in The Word.

When you can learn to trust yourself, then that is the foundation you can build your home on.

Examples of how I've done this recently are:

1. Waking up early to have 30 minutes of peace. - Trust me, that was a hard one. I love my bed.

2. Scheduling a monthly Mom's coffee date.

3. Setting a visible timer when I'm trying to focus so that they know it's not their time, but my own.

4. Child-lead adventures - letting them wander ahead of me; at the store or on a trail. This does wonders for our collective sanity.

Mental breaks like these make me a more patient mother when they demand my attention. And they do demand, don't they. I love my family but to love them I have to first build my own stable mental foundation.

They will be glad you did.

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