4. Let Your Guard Down - emotional intelligence starts with mom

Let us formally denounce the concept we have, that negative emotions are "bad".

Say it with me:

I am a human being blessed with a spectrum of powerful emotions; which I will not allow to be my downfall, but my ultimate power.

I will use this power so that I may become more understanding and not produce suffering of my misplaced judgment.

All of our lives we have been told it's not good to be sad, and anger is evil. And while, yes, there are much better emotions to experience, they are not the full scope of life. We can't always choose how we feel. What we can choose, however, is to retrain our brain to not dwell in spaces which have negative impact on our health and on the people we love.

Seeking eternal joy, pleasure, and happiness is what leads to addiction and perpetual disappointment. Existing in eternal anger casts shadows on the simple goodness life provides.

Living in extremes wreaks havoc on the nervous system. If you are a highly reactionary person, the frontal lobe (logical control center) has to constantly fight for control with the amygdala (emotional reaction center) forcing your autonomic nervous system to work overtime. This system controls things you don't consciously think about like breathing, body temperature, blood pressure, and pupils dilating, etc. When your regulatory system loses control it leads to tantrums.

Adult tantrums can have many faces. Yelling at a customer service clerk, calling your spouse names, physical discipline with the kids, slamming cupboards when you lose an argument, yelling in the home. The adult in question was not taught to reignite the logic center when faced with confrontation as a child. The good news is that these reactions can be unlearned.

Teaching yourself to override the amygdala puts you in the driver's seat again when you are confronted with an apparent crisis. This skill is the key to emotional intelligence and an invaluable tool for you to pass on to your kids.

When it comes to addressing childhood tantrums, make the conscious decision to no longer see a child as a little thing that needs fixing but as a full human who is hurting. The outburst is a cry for help and not worthy of shame. When one begins to understand this they may experience the purest compassion.

That child screaming and flailing about is in such distress, they have activated the fight or flight response. The road back to the frontal lobe is narrow but we can make it a neural-highway with a little practice. But you must balance yourself first.

Bottom line is that Peace lives within the balance of all things.

We ought not suppress negative emotions but instead focus ourselves in beauty and appreciation so that we might imitate the calmness within the mundane.

God lives here; in the mundane. God is Love. He is Beauty.

He is the Prince of Peace.

I'm not here to preach. If nothing else, know this: if you want to invite peace into your home and life, you must first know the goodness of God.

Once you begin to walk this path and choose to accept all emotions that may come,

you can then become the Peacebringer.

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