6. Call Your Mom - building quality relationships

Relationships are not meant to be dominated by one member but unfortunately, I know many women with strained family relationships, and although I can't speak to what caused each, they essentially break down to pride and ego.

Whether it's yours or theirs, pride will destroy any relationship.

a mother and daughter,

a husband and wife,

a parent and child,

There are a couple of diagnoses that come to mind when we are talking about ego.

Codependency

and

Narcissism

The former is a term coined in the 1950's, defined by a relationship between a "Giver" and a "Taker" with the parent traditionally positioned as the Giver. The Giver likes to play the martyr while the Taker absorbs all the energy they can get their hands on. A lot of moms have this martyr mentality. These mothers were taught at a young age, through authoritarian parenting, to demonstrate poor personal boundaries and suppress emotional intelligence.

This could be you if you:

Take over their activity with unsolicited "help"

The Giver is often overly-critical and afraid of

failure. They think they can save their child from failure when the experience of making mistakes is so valuable in itself. To shelter them from failure is to deprive them of perseverance and personal accomplishment.

Feel responsible for their emotions

The way they feel is not your responsibility; you are simply the interpreter. You can help them to understand that all feelings are ok and show them appropriate ways to digest them.

Don't feel like you're doing enough

Mom-Guilt is hard to kick, but if you are

asking if you're enough, you're probably doing

fine. You can not serve your family on an empty

tank. Find time for personal growth and regulation.

Start a journal or go somewhere alone.

Let them derail a conversation

They need to know the world doesn't revolve around them. Teach them patience and don't let them interrupt. Respect goes both ways. Don't demand that they cease activity to meet your needs either. give them warning and plan ahead. stability creates peace.

Bail them out of uncomfortable situations

Let them fail so that they know both their limits and capabilities. Risky play is the ultimate proving grounds for self esteem and personal awareness. I encourage risky behavior because when they are given safe boundaries to test, they wont feel the need to assert dominance at home by being defiant.

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The second diagnosis is described as a person who is so wrapped up in their own wants and needs that they fail to consider any alternative viewpoints.

Narcissism can present in both the parent or child in a relationship. The Narcissist is highly irritable, they must always have the last word, and must always be right. They lack empathy and personal accountability. They have little respect for the personal boundaries of others.

The best way to combat this nasty habit is to practice empathy. Re-connect to accountability through accepting that your feelings are yours alone. Don't demand that you are heard because you know more, but demonstrate respectful conversation. Listen more than you speak. Avoid toxic positivity, that is just a pretty way to invalidate emotions.

To train children in empathy we can give them opportunities to serve others. For siblings, encourage teamwork over competition. Chores also teach outward thought and self gratification in a healthy way. Finally teaching emotional intelligence through demonstrating respect for others is huge.

Emotional maturity is the keystone to a healthy relationship, and it begins with the choices you make today. What is one small change you can make at home? Leave it in the comments section to help encourage others.

A peaceful home begins with the relationships we choose to form.

Don't forget to call your mom.

PRREVIOUS NEXT

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